Interpersonal conflict is simply a part of business life. Staff members may have competing plans on how to solve a problem or conflicting ideas on what tasks should have priority. Some conflicts are easily resolved with a simple set of directions, but this isn’t always the case. Some conflicts require strong interpersonal skills, as well as the ability to hash out a clash between personalities and approaches.
When things get complicated, a top-down solution won’t help. Bluntly telling someone “do this” may solve the immediate question, but you’ll then have conflicts simmering, ones that can easily break out during the next high-pressure moment.
1. Be Timely and Specific
One of the biggest mistakes I see managers make regarding conflict in the workplace is the lack of urgency and detail. It is critical to be timely about addressing the situation. If left unchecked, issues can escalate. Lack of urgency sends a clear message that leadership isn’t actually engaged. Attention to detail is key to demonstrate respect for all those involved and to maintain credibility.
2. Know What You Are Trying to Achieve
A key to conflict resolution is to understand what result each person involved in the conflict wants to achieve and what trade-offs they are willing to make. Also, try to ascertain their motivations and fears. In other words, break the conflict apart to move it to conclusion and consensus.
3. Step In, Then Step Back
Leaders know that jumping in and immediately solving a problem is only a temporary fix. Teaching the team how to handle conflict on their own empowers them to handle future issues. One of the best ways to do this is by stepping in to help each side clearly understand what the conflict is, and then act as a mediator until they’ve worked out a positive solution for both sides.
4. Get The Full Story
Often, conflict comes from a place of “making up a story,” meaning we don’t have all the information, so we fill in the blanks or don’t see the other person’s perspective. Leaders should speak to the conflicted people individually in order to get their perspective, and then as a group. Setting ground rules — such as respect, listening to the other person’s story, and coming in with an open mind — is crucial.
5. Focus On The Facts
Three things happen when we judge: People get defensive, shut down, or go on the offensive — none of which supports getting a resolution. To avoid judgments or stories, ask both parties to look strictly at the information gathered through observation. Ask them to think about the situation as if a hidden camera captured the event. What does the camera see or hear? These are the facts. –
6. Be An Impartial Arbiter
When managing conflict, it’s important for leaders to remain neutral and be impartial arbiters. It means being a good listener as well as being committed to developing an equal understanding of the parties’ respective positions. In addition, keeping bias out of the equation only adds to clear thinking and fairmindedness. Leaders who are seen as impartial achieve greater buy-in and less pushback.
7. Ask Questions
Become a coach by asking questions that elevate the thinking of the parties involved. Often, much like one-on-one coaching, the solution will arise from their thoughtful responses. Examples include: “What would resolve this issue for you?” or “How might both parties find satisfaction at the other end of this situation?” or “What is the essence of the challenge here, for you?” Help them solve it. –
8. Focus On Interests, Not Positions
This advice is straight out of Roger Fisher and William L. Ury’s book Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In. During a conflict, we need to look beyond the positions people take and focus on the real interests that underlie these positions. Understanding the proverbial “bottom of the iceberg” shows us a person’s real motivations and needs. Leaders can pave the way toward integrative solutions by exploring these interests more deeply.
9. Remind People What They Have In Common
Applying a top-down, command-and-control power model to shake people out of conflict will do nothing to resolve the issues. Instead, remind those in conflict about what they have in common — such as shared values, your organization’s higher purpose or creative risk-taking — to help them reset their collective compass and get back on the path of collaboration instead of conflict.
10. Model The Way
Leaders set the tone, so how they handle conflict will influence how their teams navigate it. They need to be equipped with tools and coaching on effective conflict management. In turn, employees at all levels need to be empowered and provided the tools and techniques in order to manage conflict successfully. Healthy conflict leads to innovation, meaningful connection and better results. –
11. Seek Understanding, Not Consensus
In moments of conflict, leaders should help others seek to understand all viewpoints versus finding an immediate resolution in order to end the conflict. It is often very hard to gain 100% consensus. Instead, seek out ideas and opportunities that aim to balance the needs of the majority. This allows everyone to be heard and helps avoid festering resentments that eat away at productivity.
About the Author
Kylie Head is a mediation services specialist with over twenty five years of experience in senior management roles.
Kylie acts as a facilitator resolving in-house conflict in business, along with working one-on-one to coach individuals through conflict, life transitions and in problem solving. Kylie is experienced in providing mediation services with On the Table to parties where the issues are complex and intractable.
On the Table helps people & teams have conversations.
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